Are You a Victim of Financial Infidelity?

The author in this article presents a very interestin­g take on fidelity in marriage. The idea of “financial fidelity” is a good one. So many of my divorce clients arive at the decision to end their marriages over money issues. As a divorce profession­al, I appreciate the advice to have a moderate response with financial “cheating” is discovered­. Many of my clients opt for a postnuptia­l agreement when such happens as a way to prevent the marriage from disintegra­ting. Having a written agreement with clear understand­ings of the financial boundaries and what is expected from a spouse can have a huge impact on the success or failure of the marriage going forward. I also support having the prenup discussion prior to marriage so that a marrying couple can have the money conversati­on. This prevents misunderst­andings and incorrect expectatio­ns from developing down the road.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

When It Comes To Marriage, Many More Say ‘I Don’t’ : NPR

NPR reports that according to a new report at the Pugh Research Center, the share of all U.S. adults who are married has dropped to a record low of 51 percent.  Demographically, this is apparently putting us on track for the first time in history to have marriage lose its majority status in American life.

Read the article hear:

When It Comes To Marriage, Many More Say ‘I Don’t’ : NPR.

Listen to the story here:

http://www.npr.org/player/v2/mediaPlayer.html?action=1&t=1&islist=false&id=143660764&m=143694850

 

What Children Of Divorce Do And Don’t Learn

Judith Wallerstei­n does an excellent job pointing out in this article on Huffington Post some of the important obstacles facing children of divorce. In my legal practice, I often observe that children have to grow up too quickly. They often become “parentifi­ed” in their relationsh­ips with their siblings and often even their parents. I think it is essential that divorcing parents do everything they can to shield their children from their conflict and to just let their children be kids.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

What Should I Wear to Court?

Here’s a great article on another blog with suggestions for what clients should wear to court.  I recommend it!

What Should I Wear to Court?.

What sort of drug or alcohol testing can a California Family Court order in a custody proceeding?

California Family Code section 3041.5 provides a mechanism for drug and alcohol testing for parents involved in custody disputes.  Testing can be ordered if the court finds, by a preponderance of the evidence, that a parent uses illegal drugs or alcohol habitually or continually.

It doesn’t end there, however.  The tested party is entitled to a hearing to challenge any drug results.  So, a positive test, in and of itself, is not sufficient grounds for a ruling to limit or terminate custody rights.  However, it can be a huge factor in evidence.

Interestingly, only certain tests are allowed thanks to a case known as Deborah M. v. Superior Court (Daryl W.) (2005) 128 Cal.App.4th 1181.  In Deborah M., the court held that because Family Code section 3041.5 requires drug testing to conform to federal drug testing procedures and standards, only urine testing is allowed.  A preferred test, the hair follicle test, cannot be ordered by the court unless the parties agree.  Hair follicle testing is more reliable than urine testing because the evidence of substances remains for as long as the hair follicle exists, whereas in urine testing the substances pass out of the system in 24 hours.  Regardless, the Court has made it clear that the code’s requirement of conformity to the federal standard of urine testing is what will be allowed.  Of course, parties can agree to a more stringent standard.

If a client of mine is worried about the other parent’s alcohol or drug use, but there is not enough evidence to get a drug test ordered or there is a concern that unrine testing will be insufficient, I often recommend that the client try to get an order for a mutual prohibition of alcohol or illegal drug usage in the presence of the child.

If there is a past history of addiction, the Court will often require attendance with a sponser at Alcoholics Anonymous or Narcotics Anonymous.  Whenever I represent a party with a history of addiction, no matter how slight that history may be, I often recommend and even insist that the client attend AA or NA as a protective measure in the case.  I have never seen a Judge punish a party for going to meetings.

I have also had cases in the past where there is concern that a client is abusing prescribed pain medication such as Oxycontin.  In such case, it is a good idea for the non-using parent to insist that there be controls in place to ensure that the other parent doesn’t abuse his or her medication.  For instance, there should be a pain management contract regulating the use of controlled substances.  I have also had success in getting orders for mass spectometry and liquid chromotography testing, which does a more thorough examination of a urine sample using laser technology.  Not only does it give a qualititative result (i.e., relating to the presence of a substance) but also gives a quantitative result (i.e., how much of a given substance is present).  This is helpful because the test itself is a simple urine sample type test, so it is no more invasive than any other urine test, but the data is so much more useful.  It is especially helpful in determining whether a pain management patient is compliant with his contract or if he is overusing a particular medication or is mixing the medication with alcohol.  Although I have been successful in getting orders for such a test, I have seen no caselaw to test whether it meets the standard set out in Deborah M.

In general, unless you have obvious and provable abuse, it is hard to produce enough evidence to limit a drug or alcohol abusers parenting.  The best alternative approach is to insist on boundaries and controls that can provide the most possible protection for the child, even if parenting cannot be limited.

Here Come the Holidays!

This is a great post with excellent tips about how to handle the holidays after the divorce. I recommend it. The holidays can be really stressful for folks after a divorce, especially when trying to juggle the kids between families over the holidays. As a family law attorney, I always see an large uptick in business right before and right after a major holiday. I think it has a lot to do with these kinds of struggles. This is a good read. Thanks to Ms. Barnes for sharing.
Read the Article at HuffingtonPost

Responding to Recent Violence in Custody Disputes, CA Attorney Mark Baer Advocates Consensual Dispute Resolution Methods to Help Quell Future Meltdowns

 

 

 

Mr. Baer sums up my thoughts regarding the seeming increase in domestic violence in custody disputes.  I am convinced that the adversarial litigation process for resolving family issues has contributed significantly to the level of hostility between parties.  While some parties will be dangerously violent no matter what environment they are in, we can help reduce conflict in many cases as attorneys be referring folks to forms of alternate dispute resolution such as mediation or collaborative divorce.  Even in a litigation context, attorneys should be careful not to “fan the flames” of the conflict.  Much can be done to reduce the chances that a particular family will move into dangerous territory.  Here’s Mr. Baer’s articles:

Responding to Recent Violence in Custody Disputes, CA Attorney Mark Baer Advocates Consensual Dispute Resolution Methods to Help Quell Future Meltdowns.

Study: First-Time Divorce Rate Tied To Race, Education

Here’s an interesting study from the National Center for Family and Marriage Research (NCFMR) at Bowling Green State University.  It shows some interesting trends in divorce rates when categorized by education and race.

Here’s the link:

Study: First-Time Divorce Rate Tied To Race, Education.

Negotiating Over Waffles

Every now and then I will get involved in a negotiation where one of the parties struggles with the concept of negotiating and sharing.  Such a person wants all of what he or she wants and is simply unwilling to compromise or share in any way.  Obviously that makes my job harder.

I came across this video about a negotiation over waffles that pretty much sums it up for me.

If you need help with a difficult negotiation, feel free to contact Shawn Weber at 858-345-1616 or visit our website at www.bravewebermack.com .

Can I keep my share of Social Security from my ex? – The Help Desk – Personal Finance FAQs – CNNMoney

I am frequently asked this question.  In California we never deal with Social Security in the Marital Settlement Agreement because the concept is pretty much understood under Federal Law.  If you have been married for at least ten years, your spouse will get derivative benefits.  Period.  They can do the math and decide whether the derivative benefits are better for them or not, but they get the choice.  Not you.

But have no fear, derivative benefits have no effect on your own benefits, so quit worrying about it anyway and spend your energy on golfing once you retire.

Here is the CNN Personal Finance Help Desk article on the subject.

Can I keep my share of Social Security from my ex? – The Help Desk – Personal Finance FAQs – CNNMoney.